Hey everybody!. Some of y'all may be wondering how I got to be the Moses and not you but I don't blame you, right now,it sucks to be you.
So as it stands, your constant prayers seeking answers to how to live your twitter life and flourish have been heard finally by Jack Dorsey. (If you don't know who he is, you can quit reading at this point and delete your twitter, because how the hell don't you know the provider of your twitter life? You ungrateful being!)
He chose me amidst you all because let's be serious here, none of you can put your phone down and climb Mt.Sinner (pun maybe intended) for this tablet (no you idiot, its not like any of your regular gadgets or sex pills).
Lets cut the chase, these are the commandments you should abide by if you want to have eternal life in Twitven;
1. Thou shall NOT worry about offending: If you’re overly concerned about what others will think, don’t try your hand on twitter. Seriously, don't. Apparently, what is considered offensive for @ony3sormi may not be offensive to @youdeymad. Sense of humour also differs from one follower to another like the cedi differs from the dollar. If you get someone offended, that should be none of your business (*insert the Kermit emojis here*).
2. Thou must worry about being offended: ( I know right, aint that some shit? I asked myself that when I saw this commandment contradict the preceding one, but who am I to question them? Im only a messenger. ) Jack explained you shouldnt allow anyone to steal your joy at all, whatsoever, whether he/she is the cool kid or the timeline's bitc....sorry,the timeline's favourite girl. There are ways to go about this, its either you block the person or take your stance and fight that bitch nigga like the real nigga that you are. If you decide to fight, dont come at your opponent as weak as Ayittey Powers in the Bukom-Ayittey bout that happened recently. Be a good person and give your followers what they want to see. Side note: Any one who starts a fight and flees should be reported as spam and blocked accordingly.
3. Thou shall respect the discussion at hand at any given time. This commandment is quiet/quite(this shit confuses me all the time :( ) self-explanatory. This goes out to you guys who decide to talk about football as late as 12am when the rest of the TL is discussing ass-eating, cheating , orgasms or some shit like that. If you have nothing to add to the discussion, you can decide to note down some points like the good student that you pretend to be or just retweet and move on. Ladies on the other hand are allowed to grace the timelines with selfies or if possible(which is hardly the case) drop some nudes for the wolves on the TL. They would be considered as distractions from a regular or boring discussion, sometimes shit like that needs to happen to remind these niggas that they are wasting their time on unnecessary arguments when they are nice hunnies to thirst after.
4. Thou shall not steal tweets. Jack is just trynna remind yall that stealing in whatever form, be it virtually or physically is not right and not accepted. If a tweet is so good that you think your followers should see it, use the retweet button,after all that's why the fucking retweet button is there. Better still, if you look beyond all this and decide to copy the dope tweet, at least do some editing and clean the damn "" from the tweet. Remember,if it must be done, it must be done well.
5. Thou shall not force followbacks on people. This commandment doesn't downplay you asking for a followback, on the other hand, you don't enter someone's @ demanding for a follow back like he/she owes you one. No, you dont. Follow backs come naturally, some cool kids are so self-conscious that in other to follow you they might have to unfollow somebody and you know that could be depressing at times. If you're nt getting the followback that you want yet you enjoy the person's tweets, unfollowing the person may look like you are being petty but hey, its your fucking twitter, unfollow that not-gonna-follow-you-for-shit motherfucker, you can always see his/her tweets whenever you want anyway.That will seemingly mean you are a stalker but then again, who isn't a stalker in a point in this life?C'est la vie my nigga
6. Thou shall tweet whatever the fuck you want: unless of course you are on twitter for that "RT for RT or RT for followers" shit. What do you think twitter is? A charity dinner? A quid pro quo? Hell no. All forms of other insanity are allowed, but not to that extent. In addition, leave those facebook llfestyles at where they belong. Twitter is a gated community, get the fuck out of my property, you facebooker.
That's all for now people. I hope y'all don't force me to break this tablet just so I can go get another set of commandments like Moses did. Obey these commandments and you shall enjoy eternal twitter life.
Catch you on the flip side of life, bye. And oh, you're welcome. :)
- @Phreyboi.
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